The Harried Mystic

Two Standing Together

Is she the one? Is he my soul mate?

These questions epitomize the myth of the One for whom we are meant to spend our lives. This way of thinking embodies the Hollywood portrayal of love and romance yet has little to do with the Love spoken of by Christ: agape.

The practice of agape is humble. It is not brash or reckless. It is not compulsion or obsession – or fine words to market fragrances by meant to conjure up images of abandon to physical attraction and “falling in love”. Agape makes ever larger space for the other to evolve and finds fresh reasons to listen and learn and to wrap oneself in the mystery of souls journeying together.

At heart, agape and true love, Christic love, is a choice: a decision to remain open to possibilities. Anything less is a cheap substitute; hence the high rate of relationship failures and divorce in the West.

We are called to a higher state of interaction and inter-being.

Anyone married more than a decade knows the truth of this. Physical prowess and attractive features are transient. One reaches the point beyond which we have heard all of our partners’ stories many times over. Then, it’s all about companionship, finding deeper levels of connection and mutual interest. This is the work of authentic loving.

Something beautiful visited often is never less beautiful, though we may stop paying attention and seeing that beauty. Having eyes to see the truth is to see each day as if for the first time and this is a high form of spiritual meditation.

As one now celebrating 39 years of marriage, the choice is rooted in gratitude to have a friend forever. What could be more truly romantic than the commitment to keeping it that way?

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